Recently, blogosphere, I have been kissing a guy (and I’ve
been liking it.)
I know, right.
Gulp.
We’ll call him Sexy New Guy for now, as I don’t wish to
reveal his identity just yet and he’s somebody I’ve known for a while and he’s
funny and clever and has a smile that reminds me of Indiana Jones and he’s just
all around excellent and it’s just generally a very nice time.
It’s weird really, because if you’d have told me this time
last year that by Christmas I’d be puckering up for a guy that wasn’t The Ex
Boyfriend then probably I would have laughed in your face, and yet, here we
are.
Maybe people will think it’s too soon, and maybe people will
think it’s not soon enough, personally I think it’s been almost a freaking year
good gracious and that really there are much worse things I could be doing than
kissing a guy who makes my tummy do the flippy thing.
And Sexy New Guy is lovely, and
you want to know another thing: it was surprisingly easy. Falling into being
with somebody again, into being with him was so so easy.
I think that’s always the thing isn’t
it, putting yourself back out there is hard and scary and there’s this niggling
voice in the back of your mind that’s whispering ‘you’re not
pretty/funny/interesting enough’ and it would be so easy to just sort of stay
indoors with a good book and Netflix forever. Especially when there are so many
episodes of Pretty Little Liars to watch.
But then I remembered a conversation
I’d had with Jen months ago, which was in no way related to this at all, but
where she said (wisely because she is so wise) ‘girls
get nowhere if they don’t ask for shit.’
Even at the time I wanted to applaud her (and did, I think)
and it’s stayed with me, and even though this, this new relationship, this
kisses and tickles and laughter and this shiny new taste of happiness, isn’t
really me asking for anything, it’s kind of the
same, you know? It’s me stepping back and thinking ‘I am fucking amazing and
I’ll be damned if I’m going to wither away under a patchwork quilt. & I am pretty/funny/interesting enough, if not to anybody else
then at least to me. AND SO, I am going to Do The Thing.’
And I did. I Did The Thing. I went on a date and he kissed
me and I went on another date and he kissed me again and two dates became three
and then there was a holiday and soon there will be another holiday and dating
and here we are.
For someone who’s been out of that particular game for A
Long Time, it wasn’t as daunting as I had expected it to be to start to share
my life with a person who isn’t the person I’ve shared a life with for years.
It was kind of refreshing. It was refreshing and it was fun and I find myself
falling asleep most nights these days with a smile on my face and you know
what? Right now, I feel happy. I am so
fucking happy.
My advice then, to you, to everyone
everywhere is to always always Do The Thing.
Whatever your thing is – do it.
Cure cancer; write that book; buy your dream house; leave
that job you hate and find one you love; go for a drink with that person you think
is kind of cute; when that guy you like leans in for a kiss you make sure you
pucker those lips, dammit. Because like
Jen said once, girls get nowhere if they don’t ask for shit and like I say, girls get nowhere if they don’t Do The Thing.
