The Land Of Stories

Do you ever wonder what you could have achieved by age 22 if you hadn't spent so much time dinking cider and black and vodka, or dancing all night and sleeping all day, or lying awake putting the world to rights with your best friend with Frasier on in the background, or waitressing for a living and going out with just a £5 and a smile, or learning to headstand in your boyfriends front room when you should have been doing homework? No, me either. Or at least, I try not to because sometimes, regrets, I have them. I mean, my life is good and I have memories that will last a lifetime and I'm pretty proud of who I am and what I've achieved but sometimes just sometimes something happens that makes you think wow, I really did not make the most of myself.

This is one of those times.


Christopher Colfer, how are you real?!

Seriously, this kid: He was so severely bullied at school that he was homeschooled for two years and now? Just look at him. He's a superstar on Glee; he's had his first book published [and that is why we are here right now, to talk about that book]; he's written and starred in a film due for release later this year; he's won a Golden Globe and been nominated for 2 Emmy awards, as well as being named GQ's man of the year and one of Time Magazines most influential people, and he's just turned 22. I don't know whether to hate him or love him. Right now loving him is winning out.

So, the book.

I didn't buy 'The Land Of Stories' because it was written by a guy off Glee. I am not that girl. I won't deny that I am a fan of Chris Colfer: I make no secret of the fact that him and Darren Criss are pretty much the only reasons I even watch that show, but I didn't buy this book just because Colfer wrote it.

And I'm being serious right now, I didn't.

I bought it because Amazon told me that I should - it does that sometimes, Amazon [sorry Jen!] emails me and says 'hey Jo, we know you've no money and a full bookshelf but look at this' and I'd been drawn in by the pretty cover before I even noticed that it was written by Chris Colfer [ooh, Land of Stories? What's that? That's a gorgeous cover. Chris Colfer? Chris Colfer?!] and I downloaded it to my Kindle because I liked the concept: the book is about two children who fall down the proverbial rabbit hole via a charmed book of stories and end up in a land full of their favourite storybook characters, it pays homage to all of those stories children have been in love with for generations.

I wondered what it'd be like actually: just because Chris Colfer can sing and dance and act and is growing into a fairly attractive young man (see above if you're still seeing him as Kurt Hummel, because the boy grew up people.) doesn't necessarily mean he can write and what if he only got a book deal because he is America's darling? Call me cynical, but these things happen.

Here's the thing: this kid can write.

"Happily ever after’ is something that you make. It’s not given to you."
-Chris Colfer

TLOS is one of those books you wish was around when you were 8 or 9; one of those books that you'd lose a weekend reading and would wish all your friends liked reading as much as you did so they could read it too, one of those books that you dove into and got lost in and wanted to live in forever. Hell, I kind of want to live in it myself and I'm about 20years older than it's target audience.

This book awakens in me some of the same feelings I have when reading Harry Potter, as in when I'm reading Potter there's always a part of me that wishes I'd been younger when those books were first released because I'd love to have experienced them through the eyes of a child, and that's how I feel about this.
I know I would have fangirled so hard over this book when I was 8, so hard because Colfer has pitched it just right: it's smart and funny and magical and the two characters are just awesome and so relatable too, if you're 8 [and pretty adorable if you're not] and some of the phrasing is gorgeous and the world he has created is the kind of world any 8 or 9 year old would want to be a part of.

It's not perfect: there are parts that could maybe do with being tightened up a touch and parts that dragged a little and some of the language is a little basic and there's a lot of 'he said, she said' but hello,  how sophisticated does it need to be: this is a kids book and I'm 29 not 9, and I think the same thing when I re-read Enid Blyton or other childhood favourites. From a pure storytelling point of view it works.  It's a smart and intelligent book, with clever interpretations on the background traditional stories - the Charming Dynasty idea is awesome, as is the Queen Red-Riding Hood/fugitive Goldilocks feud and the Evil Queen's backstory is well worth reading for. It carries a message without being patronising and it has the amusing little bits in there that are obviously aimed at the parent reading aloud [or the 29 year old with no book-buying self-control.] and I didn't guess the ending. All in all, I think Colfer can count this as another success; I can certainly think of a handful of children I'd like to read this book.

Seriously, Chris Colfer is so much more than Kurt Hummel, and Glee and I would not be surprised to see him take over the world. You read it here first.*


*unless you didn't, obviously.

How to be a fangirl, aged 28

This is the story of how I proved I still have fangirlish tendencies.

That should serve as a warning for what is to come in this blog post and I make no apologies.

If you know me, or if you read this blog on a regular basis, then you will be aware of my love for Glee. It's my current tv obsession, which makes me sound like a screaming teenage fangirl, which I kind of am - except I'm almost 30.

It's a weekly fixture in our house, Glee. Ian rolls his eyes but he watches every episode with me and has a crush on Rachel Berry and says I remind him of Sugar Motta. And me? I love Kurt. & Blaine.  Oh, especially Blaine.

Spoilers. Spoilersspoilers. Feel free to read no further....

In last week's episode, aptly titled 'Big Brother' we met Blaine's older brother.

Cooper.

Let me tell you something: the Anderson family look like they walked right off an Abercrombie billboard. I'm not even kidding. These are two men very fortunate in face - I'm talking Fiennes brothers levels of hot.
And very fortunate in voice.
And together enough to leave me flailing around and eternally grateful for Sky+ - I got my money's worth out of the rewind/replay function when I watched the episode, that's for sure.
Why?
Because Blainers and his dreamboat brother [and yes, I did just use the term dreamboat in actual real life, watch the episode, you'll understand] sang my current favourite song: Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know. I love that song. I downloaded it from ITunes after the first time I heard it, have listened to it pretty much constantly since then and told Ian WEEKS ago how well I thought it would suit Darren Criss's voice and that I thought they should do it on Glee and lo and behold they did. And it was amazing.

The whole episode was really really good actually and it reminded me a little of old Glee in that it broke my heart a little and it made me laugh so hard [which after the week I've had is quite the achievement!]

We had beautiful Blainers and his hot brother and the DuranDuran mash-up and Kurt [generally, as a person, always Kurt] with his crush on his boyfriend's brother:

'Blaine, your brother is the most good looking man in North America.' 

'Oh no, Blaine, you have to, you're both so handsome and good.'  

Chris Colfer should win awards for his facial expressions, he is such a scene stealer.

We had Fighter and Blaine's naked back [cue audible intake of breath followed by 'oh dear that's my boyfriend sat right there.']
We had Cooper's 'lesson' which was the funniest thing Glee has done in a while, I think, and some really touching scenes between other characters which were lovely but which I don't want to spoil.
All of it was Glee magic but the addition of STIUTK made it for me. I thought Cough Syrup from the week before was fabulous but wow, that song made me happyhappyhappy and I loved the character development we got for Blaine; I always love the more character focussed episodes of Glee, I loved this one more because it was Blaine-centric, I'll admit that, but the whole back story to his relationship with Cooper, the way it explained so much about things we've seen of Blaine in the past, the continuity [which isn't always Glee's strong point, let's be honest] all just worked really well and left me feeling rather pleased.

The bar has been set with this episode and they'll do well if they ever manage to beat it, especially since recent Glee has never quite matched up to the standards it set with its first season.

Anyway, yes. That was a nice time. In other news this week has been up and down. It was my Grandpa's funeral on Tuesday which was, well, sad. Really sad. I am not going to dwell on it though because I have spent far too much time in the past week and a half being sad and Grandpa wouldn't like it and oh my goodness nobody wants to read about it.

Let's focus on the ups.

We [we being me, Helen and our respective Mums] saw Phantom of the Opera last Saturday in Manchester which was quite possibly the most amazing thing I have ever seen on a stage. Seriously, wowzer. So so good.
The guy who took the part of the Phantom [John Owen-Jones if you wondered] was absolutely incredible. I actually didn't think it was possible to sound that good in real life. I had goosebumps. And I kept forgetting to breathe. I was just sat, jaw dropped, totally astounded. Helen was sat in front of me and she kept turning round to look at me with this massive smile on her face, she said at the end when I was just all wowwowwow, 'I just knew exactly what your face would be doing.' Ha. [That girl is so amazing. I would not have gotten through this last week, or in fact the last decade of my life, without her and her ability to make me smile even at the worst of times. I am lucky to have you, Helen.]
So, Phantom is my new favourite musical in all the world and I still can't get over how good it was. I would like to see it again please. We went for food afterwards and our Mums were suitably amusing, as ever and it was generally just a nice time.

Tomorrow is more MotherDaughterQT as we have tickets to go and see Strictly's Vincent & Flavia in Midnight Tango. Again, excited. There will be dancing and chatting and eating and coffee and shopping and probably more amusing Mum stories. I am looking forward to it.

I shall do a book post next week, I promise. This has not been a very bookish blog of late and I apologise for that.


And now if you excuse me I'm off to pencil in a time rewatch Glee again and to download the Glee version of STIUTK to my phone because I need it like I need air and to email Helen and ask her if she loves Blaine yet because seriously, that shower scene, and to continue to be a [very old] fangirl.


If you need me, I'll be somewhere watching this episode in HD. On a very. large. screen.

PS. I love this. Look at Cooper and Blaine being all hot. Look at Kurt in the background, stealing the scene. Ha. 

March, already? Seriously, how did that happen? I can't believe we're at the end of week 9. I'll be retiring before I know it - a girl can dream, right?

Yesterday was the 29th of February.
A leap year.
Now now, calm yourselves down please! This girl did not celebrate in the traditional sense by asking her boyfriend to marry her. No she did not. Call me traditional but if he likes it then he can jolly well be the one to put a ring on it. Beyonce had a point, people.

Instead, I went to the gym and gave myself a stitch on the crosstrainer and had a swim and spent longer in the jacuzzi than I'd spent exercising because,well, because I wanted to and I offer no excuses or apologies.  I then went home planning to eat peanut butter on toast [crunchy, always crunchy] only to discover Ian was cooking pasta.
Bless him I hear you say. Yes, that's what I thought.
There then followed a scene that I'm pretty sure wouldn't be out of place on some comedy sketch program wherein I went bright red and got tingly lips and a burny tongue and downed a pint of vimto and he laughed til he cried and then confessed that he'd accidentally put half a bottle of chilli sauce into the pan. Fabulous.
I have been pondering this and have decided that either a: he was so heartbroken by my failure to propose that he decided to exact his revenge or b: he was so petrified that I might that he tried desperately to put me off. [Of course, it could always have been an innocent mistake but that then begs the question, why the hell did he still feed me the damn sauce?!]

So yes, that was my last night. I almost lost my mouth to pasta, finally managed to eat the toast I had wanted all along, watched some TV [this is a good week for TV actually, The Vampire Diaries came back on Tuesday and Glee is back tonight] and went to bed with my book.

I'm reading Helen Dunmore's The Siege at the moment as recommended by my Granny. It's set in the siege of Leningrad in WWII, and I've already read its [Booker longlist 2010] sequel, inadvertantly - not realising it was a sequel I mean, not that I didn't mean to read it - and so I know I am a fan of Dunmore's style.
I also know that this book will make me cry.
This is a problem actually because I promised myself I'd read happier stuff this year. Why oh why am I compelled to read books that will make me hurty inside?? Whoops.
However, it's a period of history that interests me, it's a fictional story based on very real events which it seems I am a sucker for and Dunmore, if The Betrayal is anything to go by at least, has an almost poetic writing style and a a knack at characterisation, plus, my Granny liked it which makes it a no-brainer really. So yes, I'm reading that and then then I will read something funny or fluffy or both. I will.

In other news I am totally going to Wimbledon!! I'm not even kidding. Helen and I both entered the draw last year, I heard nothing, but Helen has got two tickets for Centre Court in the first week! Colour me excited!!! Me, Helen, WIMBLEDON. I can totally see it now, we shall eat strawberries and drink champagne and concentrate totally on the tennis and not at all on the legs of the players and as it's Centre Court there's every chance we shall see somebody amazing and it will be so much more fun that watching it on the TV and following the action from work via Twitter or the iPhone app [yes, I know, we only have tickers for one day and will still have to do all that stuff but still. EXCITING!!]
Roll on June.

 And because I didn't propose on a leap year and because of Beyonce and because I re-watched the 'Preggers' episode of Glee last night [featuring Single Ladies] and think season1 Kurt might be one of my favourite things [because he's pretty] I hope you appreciate these little video clips of the aforementioned 'Single Ladies' from Glee Live [I think]

I bid you goodbye