Review: Throne of Glass

Sometimes (exceptionally rarely, but sometimes) loving a book can be A Bad Thing. Or rather, not so much loving the book is bad, but the way it gets you fired up for every other word, shopping lists included, that that author has ever written can occasionally be less than great because let’s face it: going into something with unrealistically high expectations very rarely ends well. This is true for life, not just for books. We’ll call it Jo’s Life Lessons of 2016 and you’re welcome.

When I read A Court of Thorns and Roses last year I loved it. I gulped it down and I finished it in what could be record time and was sad that I couldn’t pick up the second book straight away and I resolved then and there to read all that Sarah J Maas ever wrote. & the Throne of Glass series is everywhere man. I mean seriously, I have read so few blogs that aren’t flailing over it and it’s all over twitter and instagram and well, just the internet in general and it sounded awesome. So I read book one. I wanted to love it; I expected it to laugh in the face of ACoTaR and just be a million times better you know?

& it wasn’t.

I mean, it wasn’t bad, and I liked it enough to buy a copy for my 15 year old cousin for Christmas but truth be told? I liked ACoTaR better. *hides from the internet*

So, let’s talk about it.

If you’ve been living under a freaking rock then you’re perhaps wondering what the book is even about. So, according to Goodreads who always summarise better than I do, because it’s their job and all:

After serving out a year of hard labour in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined…

I know. Sounds so damn good. It sounds like everything I want in a book most of the time. So why was I bored? I mean, I put this book down to paint my nails one time. I hardly ever paint my nails because I am bad at it. & I don’t understand why because I liked it.

I guess I just wanted it to be so much more than it was and that’s the problem. 

& I was frustrated. The book was more of a romance than I thought it was going to be, which is fine – I mean dead inside I am not; I love a good love story as much as the next girl, but here I wanted more of the other stuff.

Caleana is an excellent character and the whole assassins X-Factor thing could have been so good and just like in ACoTaR the world that Maas built was fascinating and the problem is, is that’s what I wanted to read about. Really, whether Celaena ended up with Westfall or Dorian was a secondary issue. Team Captain of the Guard or Team Crown Prince? I don’t care; I just want to see this badass girl being badass please.  There’s all this talk about her being the best assassin to ever assassinate but you never get to see that, there’s too much tell and not enough show and it makes it hard to get invested, in any of it.

Celeana’s excellent – she’s vain and arrogant and clever, and she has this temper, she likes to read and she’s self-assured and confident and watching her grow into herself again after being at rock bottom in an actual death camp is marvellous. There’s a lot of her finding herself, and of her delighting in the luxuries of nice food and pretty dresses but it would have been so awesome to have that juxtaposed against this tough ruthless murderer. To see it instead of just being told that’s how it is contrary to appearances you know? I wanted to see some murder. I wanted less Celeana/Dorian/Westfall and more of the stuff that would have made this book amazing, I mean I’m really glad Celeana had confidence in her own abilities but how was I supposed to believe she was the best ever when all of the good bits, all the tasks and the eliminations and the confrontations were all just glossed over. GIMME THE GRITTY STUFF. Don’t write me a book about a strong female character and then only really show me her dancing around the two male leads. Please. 

I mean, I liked it. I did, and I get why so many people love it, because if you’re looking for a nice easy read, a bit of a love story with a fantasy twist then probably this book ticks all the boxes. Read it without the expectations and you’ll likely be all ‘that Josephine is crazy because this book is amazing.’

& can Goodreads please start with the half star option. Please?

A Court of Thorns and Roses. Dream Cast

Do you ever find yourself, when you’re reading a book, creating a dream cast in your head? I mean, did Katniss look like JLaw when you read the books; was DanRad exactly the way you imagined Harry Potter; did you watch Divergent and think ‘well, that’s not *my* Four’? I do it all the time. ALL THE TIME. It’s part of my problem with adaptations I think, that I always have such a solid idea in my head of what my faves look like and it’s so rare that casting directors take my Very Important Opinions on board. Le sigh.

This time, in a twist on my usual ‘here are my thoughts on this book’ style review I figured I’d share my dream cast with you, because I've just finished A Court of Thorns and Roses and I’m kind of sat here thinking ‘make this film and cast these people oh my gracious.’

I loved it, by the way. L O V E D. It was one of those stopping up way too late to read just one more chapter kinds of books with this incredibly well crafted world and a kickass heroine and deftly drawn characters and sharp as nails dialogue and a love story that made me shiver like a love story should. It’s exactly what I wanted from a retelling of Beauty and the Beast: enough about it to exist as a story in its own right but with the source material still recognisable. I am so mad actually that now I have to do waiting for the next book (holy cliff hanger, batman) because I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

In a nutshell then, if you want to know what the book is about, Feyre, our kickass heroine is out hunting to save her family from starving (dead Mum, crippled – and spineless – Dad, two next to useless sisters. That’s Feyre’s family) and kills a wolf. Which turns out to be a faerie. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Faeries and humans have had a hate-hate relationship for ALL OF TIME, harking back to times when faeries enslaved humans and there was an epic war for the freedom of the human race. It’s all really freaking awesome, the politics of it all and the detail that’s been put into this whole backstory – all this fae/human bad feeling, and the way that the different courts of faeries react to one another and the unifying fear of an unidentified Big Bad, it’s all really well done and makes this so much more than a Disney-esque love story. Anyway, Feyre kills the faerie/wolf which is Bad Times, obvs, and has to be punished. She’s given a choice by the Beast that comes to deal out her punishment: she can a: be killed then and there, or, b: she can go with him to live out the rest of her days as his prisoner. As the book would have ended a few chapters in had she chosen option A, Feyre chooses option B and heads off with The Beast, who turns out to be called Tamlin and, as per the good old Disney film, is less Beast-ish than he first appears. Etcetera etcetera until the end. Which made me want to throw my book at the wall because I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT DAMMIT.

So, in my head it turns out I’ve cast Feyre as Anna Paquin. I don’t know why, except that for some reason when I was reading, Feyre had Anna’s face. I really like Anna Paquin, and she has that curiously attractive thing going on that I think would totally work for Feyre and we already know she can handle badass attractive vampires and also y'know Wolverine, so a few faeries should be a walk in the park.

Even faeries like Tamlin  who in my head is totally Stephen Amell. Not just because I’m a little Arrow crazy right now but because Tamlin is supposed to be big and strong and handsome and brooding and Stephen Amell is all of those things. Tamlin is the best kind of hero. He’s an awesome interpretation of The Beast, he’s distant and mean and brooding and so strong and tough and brave and I want to climb him like a tree and then he’s all gentle and awkward and then he’s so freaking hot. Urgh. You’re totally supposed to fall in love with Tamlin. You totally do.

Thing is, is that it’s not that kind of story where you fall for the hero and detest the baddie like you’re meant to at all. The thing is, is that in addition to our unlikely hero, you also have Lucien and Rhysand. & in my head they are equally attractive.

Lucien (who I love FYI) looks like Ian Somerhalder. Does that face not say to you sassy fairy? Lucien is an excellent character; he’s so brash and arrogant and snarky and then underneath all of that he’s so beautifully broken. Eurgh. I love him.

& then, there’s Rhysand – when Feyre first meets Rhys she describes him as the most beautiful man she ever saw. Well, hello Matt Bomer, actual real life Disney Prince. As soon as anybody says the most beautiful man…Matt Bomer springs to mind. Seriously, I don’t understand how he is even a real person. Textbook good looking that guy. 

Also, it would be awesome to see Matt play The Bad Guy. *wanders off to watch more White Collar*

The thing about Rhysand – and I found myself drawn to him even though he’s a bastard; I find obnoxious men attractive (Helen, remember when that was our thing?) – is that you can’t quite figure out what side he’s on. Is he a good guy, is he a bad guy, what is his endgame? Currently I’m of the opinion that Rhys is on his own side, and I am hoping hoping we get more of him in the next book. I actually think asshattery aside (or maybe because of it) that he might be my fave...

Amarantha is The Baddest Ever. She’s like, Evil Queen x infinity. What a bitch. In my head she looks like Lana Parilla, but that might be because Lana plays The Evil Queen so deliciously well on OUAT. You know who else would be cool? Cate Blanchett.

Feyre’s Dad looks like Robert Carlyle but I am aware this is only because he’s very reminiscent of OUAT’s Rumplstiltskin pre losing Baelfire and her little sister Elain is totally Evy Lynch-like. 

Which leaves big sister Nesta and the fairy maid Alis and you know what? I’m not entirely sure.

So there you have it and now I feel kind of bad because if you read this before you read the actual book you might be unfairly influenced and that would make me feel awful. Except not really because you know, Stephen Amell, Ian Somerhalder, Matt Bomer. It could be worse. Right? Right.

Read this book, read it because it’s excellent and then come back and tell me if you agree with my choices and if you don’t (and I won’t judge you, much) who would you cast instead?